Terry Pratchett's best quotes from the Discworld
The top 3 according to 227 votes from people: Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time. · The Captain Samuel Vimes «Boots» theory of socioeconomic unfairness. · Humans need fantasy to be human. To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.. (Updated Sep 5, 2026.)
The wisest and funniest lines from Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels, from Death's small capitals to Sam Vimes' Boots theory, each with the book it comes from.
Top 12
-
1
Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.
Hogfather (1996).
-
2
The Captain Samuel Vimes «Boots» theory of socioeconomic unfairness.
Men at Arms (1993): the rich buy good boots that last ten years, the poor keep buying cheap ones and end up paying more. Now quoted by economists.
-
3
Humans need fantasy to be human. To be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape.
Death to Susan in Hogfather (1996).
-
4
THERE IS NO JUSTICE. THERE IS JUST US.
Death, in his small capitals, in Reaper Man (1991).
-
5
Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first.
Reaper Man (1991).
-
6
Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.
Windle Poons in Reaper Man (1991).
-
7
Magicians have calculated that million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten.
Mort (1987).
-
8
You needed at least three witches for a coven. Two witches was just an argument.
Maskerade (1995).
-
9
I'm not superstitious. I'm a witch. Witches aren't superstitious. We are what people are superstitious of.
Tiffany Aching in Wintersmith (2006).
-
10
Lies could run around the world before the truth could get its boots on.
William de Worde's father, in The Truth (2000).
-
11
Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.
Small Gods (1992).
-
12
The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.
Hogfather (1996), with a wink at The X-Files.
Candidates
They don't make it into the top 12… yet. Vote for them to move them up.
-
13
Lord Hong had a mind like a knife, although possibly a knife with a curved blade.
Interesting Times (1994).
How is this ranking ordered? By people's votes: each ▲ adds a point and each ▼ takes one away. Anyone can vote and add what is missing.
Is something missing?
Comments (9)
Two witches was just an argument 😂
Started with Mort, never stopped.
Add «Lord Hong had a mind like a knife, although possibly a knife with a curved blade» from Interesting Times.
Thank you for including the books for each quote.
The Boots theory explains my whole bank account.
«Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence», written in 1996 and more true every year.
Death in small caps is the best character ever written.
GNU Terry Pratchett.
Tiffany Aching books are perfect for kids and adults.