The funniest definitions from Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary
The top 3 according to 53 votes from people: Apologize: to lay the foundation for a future offense. · Admiration: our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. · Bore: a person who talks when you wish him to listen.. (Updated Oct 26, 2019.)
Bierce's satirical dictionary (1906–1911) redefines everyday words with savage wit. These are its most quoted entries.
Top 15
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1
Apologize: to lay the foundation for a future offense.
The Devil's Dictionary.
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2
Admiration: our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
The Devil's Dictionary.
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3
Bore: a person who talks when you wish him to listen.
The Devil's Dictionary.
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4
Alone: in bad company.
The Devil's Dictionary.
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5
Egotist: a person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
The Devil's Dictionary.
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6
Conservative: a statesman enamored of existing evils, as opposed to a Liberal, who wants to replace them with others.
The Devil's Dictionary.
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7
Corporation: an ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
The Devil's Dictionary.
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8
Opportunity: a favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
The Devil's Dictionary.
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9
Congratulation: the civility of envy.
The Devil's Dictionary.
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10
Diplomacy: the patriotic art of lying for one's country.
The Devil's Dictionary.
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11
Advice: the smallest current coin.
The Devil's Dictionary.
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12
Ocean: a body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.
The Devil's Dictionary.
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13
Barometer: an ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
The Devil's Dictionary.
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14
Mayonnaise: one of the sauces that serve the French in place of a state religion.
The Devil's Dictionary.
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15
Once: enough.
The Devil's Dictionary.
How is this ranking ordered? By people's votes: each ▲ adds a point and each ▼ takes one away. Anyone can vote and add what is missing.
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