Every winner of the Funniest Joke of the Fringe, ranked
The top 3 according to 71 votes from people: I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again. · I was going to sail around the globe in the world's smallest ship, but I bottled it. · I thought the word 'Caesarean' began with the letter 'S' but when I looked in the dictionary, it was in the 'C' section.. (Updated May 28, 2025.)
The one-liners that won the Funniest Joke of the Fringe award at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, voted by the public from a shortlist chosen by critics (2009-2024, not held in 2020). Which one still makes you groan the most?
Top 15
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1
I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.
Tim Vine, winner in 2010.
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2
I was going to sail around the globe in the world's smallest ship, but I bottled it.
Mark Simmons, winner in 2024.
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3
I thought the word 'Caesarean' began with the letter 'S' but when I looked in the dictionary, it was in the 'C' section.
Masai Graham, winner in 2021, his second win.
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4
Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?
Dan Antopolski, the first winner, in 2009.
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5
I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free.
Darren Walsh, winner in 2015.
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6
You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks.
Stewart Francis, winner in 2012.
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7
I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
Nick Helm, winner in 2011.
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8
I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' – I think I might have Florets.
Olaf Falafel, winner in 2019.
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9
I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change.
Ken Cheng, winner in 2017, the year the 12-sided pound coin came in.
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10
My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He's a man after my own heart.
Masai Graham, winner in 2016.
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11
Working at the job centre has a lot of tension. Because if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.
Adam Rowe, winner in 2018.
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12
I've decided to sell my Hoover – well, it was just collecting dust.
Tim Vine, winning for the second time in 2014.
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13
I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn't get pasta.
Masai Graham, winner in 2022, his third win.
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14
I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah.
Lorna Rose Treen, winner in 2023.
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15
I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Could be a Chinese Wispa.
Rob Auton, winner in 2013.
How is this ranking ordered? By people's votes: each ▲ adds a point and each ▼ takes one away. Anyone can vote and add what is missing.
Is something missing?
Comments (8)
Dad joke Olympics, love it 😂
The cheetah one got me, I groaned so loud
Still laughing at the cheetah one months later.
Hans free 😂😂
These are dad jokes with a festival badge lol
That's exactly why they win, the public votes for the best groaners.
Masai Graham winning three times is impressive, the man is a pun machine
The Tim Vine 'once in a lifetime holiday' one is still the best. Never again 😂